Disappointed

Did you ever feel this way when something happens in your life you weren't expecting or don't want? Michael received a Wii fit plus for Christmas. He was not happy, you see he uses this at his therapies to gain better balance. So to him it looked like we were bringing therapy home and taking away the fun. But now that it is all set up and he sees all of us using it, it has become fun and he's doing real well in the balance department and at the same time having fun. Looking at this picture made me think about the things God has allowed in my life. At first complete disappointment but as time goes on I can see the good. He works everything for our good even when we can't see it or don't want it. He only wants what is best for us just like I only want whats best for Michael - even though Michael does not agree!

Getting Old (or should I say older...)

I want to remember how I feel right now.... I feel GREAT and HAPPY that I did it! I haven't been exercising as much lately because I hurt my back. I wanted to start again today but really had to talk myself into it. It's not easy like it was in my thirties. I use to go running all the time and now walking is a workout. And another thing that shows me I'm "getting older" is every year we usually go to Great America. Having a child with physical disabilities requires one of us to go on the rides with him. This is the first year I actually got sick after one of the rides, that has never happened before!

But I want to look forward to this time in my life. Forget what lies behind and press onto what's ahead!

But God

Michael was a breech baby who had a difficult birth. He spent 3 weeks in the newborn intensive care unit. The doctors gave us little hope for his life. "They" said he would probably never roll over, sit-up, crawl, walk, talk, or eat by mouth. He came home on a ng-tube (a tube going through his nose to his stomach).

BUT GOD......had different plans for his life and for mine.

Michael sat-up, crawled, walks (with a walker), talks (with a ACC device), and today I am so extremely happy to say EATS ALMOST ANYTHING BY MOUTH!!!!! He just finished his lunch which consisted of chicken broccoli alfredo pasta, some little smokies in crescent rolls. Earlier at breakfast he had cream of wheat, and some pancakes. His favorite foods are anything with cheese in it - grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, pizza, cheetos, etc. We have to be careful because of his severe peanut allergy.

It has taken years of patience, lots of practice, and diligence. But by God's grace Michael can eat.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" Matthew 6:25




I know that it could of been that he would of never learned to eat and I would of accepted that but today I can be happy and praise God for this blessing. As a mom one of my favorite things to do is feed my family.

Needs vs. Wants

This morning as I think about the day I feel overwhelmed. I'm without a washer and a dryer, there's a mess downstairs and insurance people to deal with. There's school to start, therapies to go to, meals to make, work tonite. I want to crawl back in bed. But instead I will praise God for meeting my needs and giving me the strength to go forward.

Every trial I face is allowed by God for my ultimate good. In part, that good includes my ability to discern the difference between needs and wants. Today if I endure, God promises to give me what I need. Tomorrow, in heaven, He promises to give me everything I could ever want and more.

Thank you Lord for this day.

Day Two of 2010 - House on fire!!!

I am thanking God tonite.

Our dryer caught on fire this afternoon while I was gone and Adi, Kristy and Michael were all upstairs laying around (Kristy was actually asleep). The smoke alarms went off but by then the house was filling up with smoke. Adi yelled for Kristy to get Michael out of the house and to call 911. She did and then called me hysterically crying because Adi wasn't coming out of the house. And here is where I had to totally trust in God that what he was allowing right now was in His control. What I wrote about yesterday was already going to be tested in my life. Would I believe what I wrote? Would I trust Him or give into fear? I hung up the phone with Kristy and prayed for safety for Adi and for our home that we have lived in for 23 years!

God was so good. Sure we lost our laundry room and a little bit of the office but it can be replaced. Adi, Kristy, and Michael were all safe. We have our home. There is so much to be thankful for. It could of happened when no-one was home or at night when we were all sleeping. A dryer and a washer, clothes, cabinets, walls, windows can all be replaced.

So tonite I am truly thankful as I lay down in my bed in my warm house with my family!

A New Year - Welcome to 2010

I want this year to be good. Not filled with wonderful things but things that will cause me to grow as a Christian.

We often treat suffering like a dodgeball game. Anytime anything painful comes at us, we jump out of the way. We spend our whole lives trying to avoid anything that will hurt or be hard. But there's a better kind of life - a deeper, more fulfilling kind of life - that isn't about avoiding every pain. It's about finding God faithful and powerful in the midst of whatever thorns He allows.

There's something about our weakness that opens the flow of God's strength.
When you are in the midst of a trial, there's a power coming into your life that you've never experienced before. When you see a hard thing coming, try saying, "I may not want this, but I know I'm going to see Christ working in my life in an incredible way."

God never allows a thorn but that He provides sufficient grace and strength in our weaknesses. Sufficient grace is not just enough to survive, but enough to have supernatural joy in the midst of anything He allows us to go through.

I also have other goals, to exercise more (who doesn't have this goal), to be much more diligent in schooling Michael, and to cook more (I watched Julia and Julie last night). But most of all I want my life to mean something, I want to make a difference.

Labor Day Zoo Trip

Day 3 of my exercising and going strong. Labor day and we took the train and got off at Clybourn and walked to Lincoln Park Zoo. Never again!!! It took over an hour to walk and then we walked all day at the zoo and then to a place to eat and then over an hour and a half walk back to the train station. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep last night because I ached so bad.



Michael was afraid of the goat who is eating the cracker crumbs off his chair! He was afraid he was going to eat him!




Michael and Mom




















Looking for our stop after a very long day.

Day of rest

Today is a day that God graciously gave us to rest. I love Sundays. We were going to go the zoo but since the weather doesn't look to good we are going tomorrow. We had a nice breakfast and then will leave for Church in an hour. I'm hoping to try and make a homemade deep dish pizza this evening.

No walking today. It's good that today is a day of rest because my body is aching from two days of hill walking.

"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are highter than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 6-9

Day Two

What an absolutely beautiful day. I went for a 30 minute walk. I had my ipod on and so enjoyed it. I didn't have to take my sidekick with me so there was no weighlifting involved! Great day.

This is the day the Lord has made we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Day One

I put them on and I went for a 45 minute walk. I pushed Michael in the jogging stroller, which is an extra 55 pounds I'm pushing up the hills.

We walked alongside the lake for awhile. I have so much to be thankful for. I'm healthy and I can just go out the door and walk in a beautiful place.

We went off the road for awhile through the park and found this path. It lead to a big hill (for sledding in the winter!) We also went to the park and helping Michael climb the ladders and go down the slides is like weightlifting.

You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

Exercise

Why is exercising so hard for me? Once I get outside and start walking I feel great! It's just the getting out there that is so hard. But I know with all my heart it is something I need to do. It is good for me, it clears my mind, I see the beauty of God's creation, it gives me time to think and pray.

I am going to use this blog to record my exercising attempts. Each day I hope to write what I did and how I felt and what I thought about.

I start today!

Matt's Graduation

So, one day your husband of one year comes home and is excited about something he listened to on the radio. "We are going to homeschool our children"!

Me - "What children"? "Is that legal"? "I am not a teacher"!

But thus began our journey. I'm not saying it was easy, at times it was downright hard. But I was blessed with a son who was diligent in schoolwork and had dreams that he pursued. This May he graduated with a degree in accounting. Matt I am so proud of all your hardwork and I love you so much.





I cannot even express the joy I felt inside watching him walk in. (He's the one who's looking towards the audience)

Adi, Michael and Kristy. (I'm the photographer)

SOMEDAY????

Treadmill Time

Michael physical therapist wants him walking on the treadmill each day. I figured out a way to motivate him. TV with headphones on!

It kept his head straight and his body lined up.

He walked for 12 minutes!

Our Heavenly Father

Said the Robin to the Sparrow,
"I should really like to know
Why these anxious human beings
Rush about and worry so.

Said the Sparrow to the Robin,
"Friend, I think that it must be
That they have no heavenly Father
Such as cares for you and me.



"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are yo not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life"? Matthew 6:25-27

Opinions about me from my 3 children

Michael - Age 10

Kristy - Age 20





Matt - Age 21








These are a list of questions I asked my 3 children Matt, Kristy, & Michael (via his talker). It's interesting to see what your kids think about you and the differences between them.

1. What is something mom always says to you?

Matt - "that I'm smart"

Kristy - "your an adult now"
Michael - "stop kicking!"



2. What makes mom happy?

Matt - God and her family
Kristy - when no one is fighting
Michael - doing school



3. What makes mom sad?

Matt - the thought of any of her kids not going to Heaven
Kristy - when everyone is mad
Michael - Kristy



4. How does your mom make you laugh?

Matt - by telling me stories that she has told me a million times and forgot she told me....and when she's tired
Kristy - she doesn't
Michael - she tickles me



5. What did your mom like to do when whe was a child?

Matt - not sure
Kristy - ride horses
Michael - gymnastics



6. How old is your mom?

Matt - old
Kristy - 46
Michael - old



7. How tall is your mom?

Matt - she's short 5 foot 3 inches
Kristy - 5 foot 2 1/2 inches
Michael - I don't know



8. What is your mom favorite thing to do?

Matt - be with her family, friends, and church...and alone time to read or watch tv
Kristy - go on computer
Michael - work



9. What does your mom do when your not around?

Matt - worry about me
Kristy - sleep
Michael - sleep

10. If your mom became famous, what will it be for?

Matt - caring too much
Kristy - a preacher
Michael - I don't know

11. What is your mom really good at?

Matt - being a mother
Kristy - cooking
Michael - babysitting

12. What is your mom not good at?

Matt - staying up late
Kristy - correcting people especially when their not wrong
Michael - baseball

13. What is your mom's job?

Matt - she has too many jobs
Kristy - being a mom
Michael - babysitting and cleaning

14. What is your mom's favorite food?

Matt - pizza
Kristy - pizza
Michael - cookies

15. What makes you proud of your mom?

Matt - everything
Kristy - all that she does
Michael - her work

16. What cartoon character would your mom be?

Matt - Winnie the Pooh
Kristy - Piglet
Michael - Ruby from "Max & Ruby"

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Matt - alot
Kristy - nothing
Michael - school

18. How are you and your mom the same?

Matt - I am a social butterfly like her...I am emotional like her....we are the same in alot of things
Kristy - were not the same
Michael - we both wear glasses

19. How are you and your mom different?

Matt - she worries more than me, I'm male she's female
Kristy - she's emotional, I'm not
Michael - I have a talker, g-tube, & braces, she doesn't

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Matt - The way she smiles at me, the way she talks to me, and everything she's done for me
Kristy - she tells me
Michael - she tells me

Take nothing for granted

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day. I took Michael to the park. As he walked ahead of me I was filled with such joy to see him "ahead" of me. With the other two I took so much for granted. But with this little guy many things are so special. This boy, we were told when he was a baby, would probably not be able to do much. I wish so much the doctors could have been at the park with us yesterday! After we played at the park we "walked" over to the skateboard park and watched the boys do their crazy tricks (none of them wearing helmets!). Michael had so much fun, I actually think he's just as happy to watch as he would be if he was doing it. Thank you so much God for the happiness and joy Michael has!

On August 8th, when she was 18 she became a believer in Christ. He was 20.

She was reading an advertisement paper from a Christian bookstore and saw "born again Christian seeking Christian friends", so she wrote not knowing if it was a he or a she. She got a letter back and they began an friendship in Chris sharing their joy in their faith. their friendship grew deeper and they began to spend much time together. They fell in love and on August 8th, without him knowing this day was special to her, he asked her to marry him. They vowed before God to love each other forever, through hard times and good times, in sickness and in health.

God added to their family first a son and then a daughter. Then God decided to bless them with a third child, a son born with special needs. Would they still trust God? Would they cling to each other through this hard time? Would he love her as she struggled to accept?

This is where their love story truly began. No matter how hard it got they learned together to hold onto God and to each other. When she was down, he lifted her up and when he was down, she lifted him up. Together with God they grew as a family, they faced life with joy. A joy that has been with them for 24 years this February 8th!

I AM THE CHILD

I am the child who cannot talk. You often pity me, I see it in your eyes. You wonder how much I am aware of - I see that as well. I am aware of much - whether you are happy or sad or fearful, patient of impatient, full of love and desire,or if you are just doing your duty by me. I marvel at your frustration knowing mine to be far greater, for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.

You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times, I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well-being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me. I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards - great strides in development that you can credit yourself; I do not give you understanding as you know it.

What I give you is so much more valuable - I give you instead opportunities. Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine; the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, you abilities; the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible. I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder, seeking answers to your many questions with no answers. I am the child who cannot talk.

I am the child who cannot walk. The world seems to pass me by. You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair, to run and play like other children. There is much you take for granted. I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again. I am dependent on you in these ways. My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune, your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself. Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them. I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright, to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent. I give you awareness. I am the child who cannot walk.

I am the child who is mentally impaired. I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick, what I do know is infinite joy in simple things. I am not burdened as you are with the strife and conflicts of a more complicated life. My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child, to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love. I give you the gift of simplicity. I am the child who is mentally impaired.

I am the disabled child. I am your teacher. If you allow me, I will teach you what is really important in life. I will give you and teach you unconditional love. I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you. I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted. I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams. I teach you giving. Most of all I teach you hope and faith. I am the disabled child.

SNOWMOBILING!!!

I went to bed last night with a smile as I thought of the joy on my little boy's face.

My little guy has cerebral palsy. He cannot walk by himself but last night he soared in the wind! As he said "it was cold and fast"!

And I want to thank-you Florian for what you do for my boy. I know I overprotect him and you think I'm a little silly, but I want to tell you I'm glad he has you in his life. You make him fly, jump high, go fast, feel free.

May God bless you!

Thankful

Today I take Michael to Easter Seals for physical therapy and tech therapy (learning to use his "talker"). I am sitting here thinking about the past 9 years with this little guy. I can say with absolute conviction that these 9 years with Michael have been filled with joy, sorrow, learning, growing, laughing, crying, and just pure love. I have watched him grow each year stronger, smarter, and into a young boy who loves God and his family. Sometimes I think everyone should be blessed with a special needs person in their life. You learn things that you would of never learned without them. I can say with everything within in me "thank you God for blessing me with the life you gave me, I will forever love you".